I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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