he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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