I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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