You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
