I think im going to throw up on grandma
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
