i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
