Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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