I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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