I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
