I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
