A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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