so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
