I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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