did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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