I hate all girls vehemently.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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