its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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