i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
