When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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