I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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