am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
