pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
