'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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