he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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