My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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