just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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