He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
