it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
