I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
