Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
