I just made out with a guy for $7.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
