I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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