So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
