the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
