dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
