Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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