dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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