Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
