Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize