You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
