Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
