i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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