there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
