i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
