2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
