people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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