After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
