i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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