I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
