Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
