i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
