how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
