Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I believe in your delicious
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize