I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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