Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
