for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
