Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
