from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
