He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
