I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
