Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
