Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
two words: eviction party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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