I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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