You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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