It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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