Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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