we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize