She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
