I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
